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Love Related Jokes and Relationship Humor

One Liner Joke

Every super stupid silly joke is listed in hypothetical order!

*My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her
…or something like that.
*Keep honking while I reload.
*If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy.
*Bad Cop! No Donut!
*Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
*It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better
*I love cats … they taste just like chicken.
*I get enough exercise just pushing my luck
*Sorry, I don’t date outside my species
*Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
*Cover me. I’m changing lanes.
*As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
*Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
*Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
*Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
*I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car …
*Tow-ers will be violated.
*Montana – At least our cows are sane!
*The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
*I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
*Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!
*It’s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
*When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
*Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
*Friends don’t let Friends drive Naked.
*Wink, I’ll do the rest!
*I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
*When there’s a will, I want to be in it!
*Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
*If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
*Diarrhea is inherited. It runs in your jeans!
*Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
*My karma ran over my dogma.
*Reality? That’s where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
*Forget about World Peace…..Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
*Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
*Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
*We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
*Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
*He who laughs last thinks slowest.
*Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
*Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
*Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
*Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
*Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
*Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. i souport publik edekasion.
*We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
*Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
*There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
*Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
*Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
*Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.
*2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
*I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with subatomic particles.
*I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die
*If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
*Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
*There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
*I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
*Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
*WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
*You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
*BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
*So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute!
*I need someone really bad… are you really bad?
*Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
*Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
*To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
*I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
*The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
*My kid had sex with your honor student.
*Don’t hit me. My lawyer’s in jail.
*If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
*Help wanted: Telepathy … you know where to apply.
*Hang up and drive.
*Lord save me from your followers.
*Guns don’t kill people, postal workers do.
*Born again pagan.
*God must love stupid people, he made so many.
*I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
*Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
*Friends don’t let Friends drive Naked.
*Wink, I’ll do the rest!
*I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
*Ax me about Ebonics
*Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
*Boldly going nowhere
*CATS: The other white meat
*CAUTION – Driver legally blonde!
*Warning: I intentionally run over small, furry animals.
*Don’t be sexist – broads hate that
*Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
*Heart Attacks…God’s Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends
*He’s not dead, He’s electroencephalographically challenged
*Honk if you’ve never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
*How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost.
*I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi… Oooh! Donuts!
*If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets
*If you lived in your car, you’d be home by now
*I’m an imbecile and I vote
*WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
*What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull
*CAUTION: I drive just like you!
*If You Don’t Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
*Impotence: Nature’s Way Of Saying “No Hard Feelings.”
*Practice Safe Sex. Go Screw Yourself.
*It’s Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now.
*”Please Tell Your Pants It’s Not Polite To Point.”
*Don’t Be Sexist – Broads Hate That.
*Saw It… Wanted It… Had A Fit… Got It!
*Constipated people don’t give a crap.
*If you drink, don’t park–accidents cause people.
*Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
*My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
*To all you virgins: Thanks for nothing.
*If at first you don’t succeed…blame someone else and seek counseling.
*If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.
*You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
*The Earth Is Full – Go Home.
*I Have The Body Of A God……Buddha.
*This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren’t Happening To Me.
*So Many Pedestrians – So Little Time.
*Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
*If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
*The Face Is Familiar, But I Can’t Quite Remember My Name.
*I Haven’t Lost My Mind, It’s Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
*If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
*Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
*Necrophillia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
*Boldly going nowhere
*Honk if you’ve never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
*Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
*WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
*5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it’s an amusement park.
*Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.

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